The Death of an Ego (Burnout Edition)
9th installation of your go-to guide for navigating burnout & burnout recovery.
“Ego is just a word for being insecure.” -Madonna
For years, I used to think I had everything under control.
I had a stacked resume, a list of accomplishments, and people who trusted me to get things done.
Even through college, I was known as the person who could power through anything. Just give me a few energy drinks, a few extra coffees, and a whole lot of willpower. And for years, I was proud of the identity I had built.
My friends, my family, and my therapist told me that burnout was imminent, but I mistakenly thought burnout was just a fancy word for being tired.
It’s funny how I look back on my high school, undergraduate, and post-college years. All the warning signs were there but the denial was self-evident. And so was my ego.
Today, I’m going to be reviewing my ego death through the course of my burnout and burnout recovery.
It’s a sensitive issue. And it still is. And why?
Because I believed I didn’t have an ego. But I absolutely did.
So, let’s dive into this a bit more.
Once Upon a Time…
Before we talk more about my ego, I first have to take you all the way back to where my corporate ego first started.
If you knew me before starting college, you probably already know that for most of my life, I had one goal: to become an orthopedic surgeon.
This may seem like out of left field if you look at my Linkedin or my resume, but a not-so-fun fun fact about me is that I grew up in a constant rotation of orthopedic offices for my left hip. I eventually got my first total hip replacement the summer before my freshman year (June 2016), but becoming the doctor I wish I had when I was a child was my ultimate holy grail goal.
Until it wasn’t.
In my last few years of high school, I had an amazing teacher named Dr. Johnson that opened up my eyes to the field of engineering, which eventually I changed last minute on my UT Austin application.
All of this to say, most of my life has been centered around the medical field. Until I went to college and realized that wasn’t actually what I wanted to do.
If you ever ask me my story of how I ended up in software sales, it was basically like a process of elimination for jobs I didn’t actually want.
I didn’t want to go to medical school, I didn’t want to go to graduate school, I didn’t want to be in a lab doing research, and I most definitely did not want to be a software engineer. But I enjoyed technology and I much preferred to talk to people on a daily basis. Somehow I ended up in software sales and never looked back.
Eventually I landed an internship at IBM, and my life changed. My manager at the time was a powerhouse of a woman. Climbing the corporate ladder with dreams to be IBM’s next female CEO.
From that summer onward, my goal changed: to climb the corporate ladder all the way to the top.
I knew I would be a future C-suite executive at a Fortune 50 company.
Well… That was what I told myself, at least.
That was my version of success I had bought into early on, and I chased it with everything I had. I said yes to every opportunity. I sacrificed time with family and friends. I worked across industries, took on high-stakes roles, led complex initiatives, and kept collecting impressive awards on my LinkedIn like collecting Pokémon cards.
From the outside, it looked like I was living the life everyone wanted: Interning at IBM, working full-time in a down-market straight out of college, graduating at the top of my class at IBM’s sales school, and supporting some of the largest Fortune 50 financial services clients in New York City.
I started to experience signs of burnout but they were like tiny cracks I could ignore and push through like I always had before.
Instead of giving myself time to rest between IBM and Google, I gave myself 1 week in between jobs to “rest.” I was convinced that working at this “dream job” would allow me to figure out what went wrong and just push myself even more.
And funny enough, because I was constantly pushing myself towards more and more, I worked my full 2-weeks notice time at IBM.
When I first started my new job, everything seemed fine from the outside, but with all of the corporate changes, unrealistic quotes, red tape, and unnecessarily long internal processes, those tiny cracks of burnout I ignored were not so tiny anymore.
At the beginning of 2024, I remember staring at my calendar, packed with meetings and deadlines, and feeling dread. Not proud. Not bored. Just empty. It was like someone had unplugged me.
It was quite the wake-up call, because for so long, my identity was built around being driven, ambitious, successful. And when burnout took all that away, I didn’t just feel exhausted. I felt lost.
Without the chase, without the upward momentum, who was I?
The ego I had built, the one that needed constant validation from promotions and praise, started to fall apart. And as painful as that was, it also forced me to look at myself more honestly than I ever had.
A Fall from Grace
In March of this year, I put in my 2 weeks at Google.
The plan was to take a similar role at a direct competitor. Same job, same level, different company. It felt like a clean exit.
I told myself it would be a fresh start. New people, new challenges, same upward path. I wasn’t walking away from climbing the corporate ladder - I was just shifting routes.
That helped soothe my ego. It made the decision feel less like quitting and more like evolving.
I wasn’t giving up. I was moving forward... At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.
Then, things unexpectedly took a turn.
Because of corporate drama I won’t get into, my plan B unraveled. Suddenly, the safety net I had been counting on was gone, and I was left with no job, no title, and no idea what came next.
And that’s when the real panic set in.
Without a clear next step, I felt exposed. I had spent so long defining myself through my career that without it, I didn’t know how to move forward.
I didn’t know how to feel valuable.
On top of burnout, it was an identity fracture. And it forced me to confront just how much of my self-worth had been tied to what I did, not who I was.
New Beginnings & New Ventures
After everything fell apart, I thought I would bounce back quickly.
I’m someone who’s always makes a plan, so I assumed I’d just make a new one.
At first, I thought I wanted to build a startup. I gave myself the weekend to mourn the Plan B unravel and then I started my LLC titled UnfilteredVentures.
I imagined something big, bold, tech-based, and fast-moving.
After spending a month or so on app-development, I pivoted. Maybe a small business would feel more manageable. Something community-driven, meaningful, more connected to people. That felt closer to what I wanted, but something still felt off.
I was still trying to prove something. Still trying to move fast. Still trying to fill the space that my old identity had left behind.
Eventually, I realized what I really needed wasn’t another title or another sprint. I needed space.
Space to breathe. Space to reflect. Space to let the pieces of my ego fall apart so I could sort through what still felt true.
I started giving myself permission to just be. To journal. To rest. To create without needing it to become a business model.
I leaned into creative outlets. Not to monetize, but to heal. I stopped trying to rebuild my life as quickly as possible and started asking myself what kind of life I actually want.
Not the one that looks good on LinkedIn. Not the one that makes people say “Wow, she must have her life figured out.” The one that feels honest. Aligned. Sustainable. Mine.
I’m still figuring that out. But for the first time in a long time, I’m not rushing it.
The Messy Part of Rebuilding
If I’m being honest, I still feel embarrassed when people ask me what I do now that I left the tech world.
I write, I create, I share my story. But I’m not bringing any life-changing revenue and I’m coasting on savings.
I left a successful career. My backup plan went sideways. I’ve gone from building pricing decks and rewriting sales strategies to spending afternoons with my dog, working on creative projects that may never make me a dollar.
And I still catch myself thinking, “What would people say if they saw me now?”
That’s the ego talking. Still hanging on. Still craving external validation. Still worried about what it all looks like from the outside.
But every time I choose peace instead of productivity, that ego gets a little quieter.
It’s not gone. But it’s dying. Slowly. In the best possible way.
And in that space, something softer is growing. Something more honest. I don’t know exactly what comes next. But I know I’m done building a life around who I think I should be. I’m finally starting to figure out who I actually am.
Your Call-to-Action
If any part of this resonated with you, take that as your sign to pause.
Not to quit your job tomorrow. Not to change your life direction immediately. Just to check in with yourself. Like really check in.
Ask yourself:
Whose definition of success have I been chasing?
What would I choose if no one was watching?
Where am I performing instead of living?
You don’t need to have all the answers.
I definitely don’t.
But the moment you start asking different questions, things begin to shift.
And if your ego freaks out while you’re doing this? That’s okay. Mine did too. It still does. That’s part of the process.
The goal isn’t to become someone new overnight. It’s to come home to yourself piece by piece. With honesty. With curiosity. With zero pressure to make it look impressive.
So here’s your call to action:
Give yourself permission to release what no longer fits.
You're allowed to outgrow old dreams and goals that no longer align with who you ar (or who you're becoming).
If you are someone that is deciding whether or not to stay or quit your job, I’ve created 60 prompts I wish I had when trying to make the decision. Click below to download these 60 reflective prompts for free.
El Fin
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this entry.
My hope is that in reading this, something resonated. Maybe it gave you a bit of clarity or maybe it reminded you that you’re not the only one feeling this way.
If you know someone who’s struggling with burnout, please consider sharing this newsletter with them. My goal is to build a community where we can openly share honest thoughts, reflections, and practical tools to support each other.
Stay tuned for Thursday’s post, where I’ll share more guidance and actionable steps to help you beat burnout.
And remember: Progress > Perfection. Always.
Thank you for sharing this - very relatable and nice to know others experiencing the same. <3