Tackling the Trifecta of Burnout: Guilt, Shame, & Resentment
The 4th installation in your go-to guide to understanding, facing, and overcoming burnout.
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” — Brené Brown, PhD
When you hear the word burnout, what comes to mind?
Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s just feeling exhausted all the time. Or maybe it’s something you can’t quite name, just a sense that something feels... off. Like you’ve lost a part of yourself somewhere along the way.
The truth is, burnout doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Oftentimes, burnout slowly creeps in, showing up when we least expect it.
It can sound like guilt whispering, “Why can’t you just keep up like everyone else?” Or shame telling you, “You should be handling things better by now.” Or resentment simmering under the surface. Resentment toward jobs, systems, or even people who made you feel invisible or unimportant.
And if I’m being honest, workplace burnout still feels like something no one really talks about.
It’s uncomfortable. It’s taboo. And so we keep to ourselves.
We try to hold it together, afraid that opening up will only lead to judgment, misunderstanding, or rejection.
When we’re afraid of retribution, we suppress these feelings and carry on alone, hoping that the situation will improve over time. But what if the very feelings we try to avoid are what’s keeping us stuck?
Avoidance might feel like the right answer at the time, but it often isn’t the solution at all.
In today’s entry, we’ll:
Unpack shame, guilt, and resentment.
Recognize their unique mental and physical manifestations.
Outline 15 effective coping techniques and why they work.
The goal for this entry isn’t about trying to erase guilt, shame, or resentment. These emotions are part of what makes us human. The real goal is to learn how to recognize them when they show up, understand where they’re coming from, and respond in ways that actually protect your peace and support your well-being.
Let’s begin.
Shame, Guilt, Resentment… Oh, My!
Term Check
To start, let’s quickly define what these emotions are before we dive deeper.
According to Merriam-Webster:
Guilt is the feeling of responsibility or remorse for a specific offense, crime, wrong, or even something you perceive you did or should have done. It's typically about feeling bad about an action.
Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. It's often about feeling like you are bad.
Resentment is a bitter indignation or ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury. It's that simmering anger that lingers when you feel you've been unfairly treated.
Understanding the Warning Signs 101
So, how do guilt, shame, and resentment affect us? And why do they have such a huge impact on us, especially during periods of burnout?
Guilt
Let’s start with guilt.
Guilt is usually tied to something you did or didn’t do. It says, “I did something bad.”
Depending on the situation, guilt can be useful and can promote positive change, but if guilt is left unresolved for too long, guilt can turn into harsh self-criticism, leaving us emotionally exhausted and can slowly undermine our confidence.
Guilt often shows up as an intense, heavy feeling that is tied to a loud inner critic and a constant mental replay of moments you regret: things you said, things you didn’t say, ways you think you fell short.
And when you’re burned out, guilt tends to show up even louder. You might feel guilty for not meeting expectations, for falling behind, or for not having the energy to be there for others (or even yourself).
At first, that guilt might push you to keep going, to try just a little harder. But when you’re already running on empty, it only leaves you more drained and more exhausted. Instead of helping, guilt becomes another weight you carry, leaving you feeling stuck, uncertain, and even more disconnected from yourself.
If that guilt is unaddressed, it can quietly shift into shame.
Suddenly, it’s no longer about what you did or didn’t do, but it’s now about who you are.
Shame
"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection." –Brené Brown, PhD
Shame is one of the most painful, most complex emotions to understand because it affects the way we inherently see ourselves.
Unlike guilt, which focuses on a specific action like "I did something bad,” shame makes us feel like “I am bad.” Shame can leave us feeling flawed, unworthy, or like we don’t belong. It makes us question whether we’re enough and convinces us that something is inherently wrong with us.
In the middle of burnout, it only amplifies the shame we already feel. And because shame is tied to how we think others see us, it can spark deep fears of rejection and isolation.
When you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, it’s easy to think that you’re the only one struggling and that it’s you’re fault that you can’t keep up. That you should be stronger, more productive, more capable.
It’s a painful narrative that can send us spiraling into thinking that we’re not enough, that we’re broken, and that we deserve to feel ashamed.
The toughest part?
Shame thrives in secrecy, silence, and judgment. And since it's such an uncomfortable emotion for many of us to face, we often try avoid it. Ironically, this only traps us in the very cycle of shame we're trying to escape.
Resentment
Finally, there’s resentment.
Resentment usually starts quietly. It can feel like a slow build of frustration, sometimes aimed at others, sometimes aimed at yourself. It shows up when your needs are ignored or when people (or systems) let you down.
Let me explain the gradual unfolding of guilt to shame to resentment.
Guilt makes you feel like you’re not doing enough. Shame convinces you that you, yourself, aren’t enough. Together, they wear you down, and eventually, resentment starts to grow. You keep going, pushing, performing, but deep down it starts to feel unfair. Like no one truly understands what you’re carrying or what it’s costing you to keep moving.
And when burnout strikes, resentment can grow in all directions if left unchecked.
You might resent those who relied on you too much, who didn’t advocate for you, or who made you feel like your needs didn’t matter. You might also resent systems that demand too much without support, or places that praise your performance but ignore your well-being. And sometimes, you might even resent yourself for staying silent or pushing past your own limits.
I will be the first one to admit that the resentment might feel justified in the moment. And sometimes, it is justified. But other times, it just sits there as a heavy, bitter weight that lingers for too long.
Resentment isn’t just a sign of burnout. It’s a signal that something inside you needs more care, more attention, and more compassion. And the sooner we can name, identify, and address resentment, the sooner we can begin to move through it.
The Real Value of Facing these Emotions
Unfortunately, guilt, shame, and resentment don’t go away on their own. They often start as quiet feelings but soon overshadow every thought and every action.
The harsh truth is, if we keep avoiding these feelings, they will slowly (but surely) consume us from the inside out.
As this weight builds over time, this emotional trifecta can spiral into anger, frustration, or numbness.
We can get stuck replaying every scenario from the past, caught in a loop that keeps us from moving forward with our lives. This constant running through every decision, every interaction, every conversation can paralyze us in the past, making it hard to make healthier changes for our future.
And while facing this emotional trifecta head-on is crucial for real healing and recovery, it is one of the hardest things to do.
It’s messy, it’s emotional, it’s painful. But you can’t heal what you don’t feel, and sometimes, you have to lean into the discomfort to let the real healing begin.
15 Additional Tools for Your Emotional Toolbox
If you’re feeling weighed down by guilt, shame, or resentment, I want you to know that you’re not alone.
As someone that is actively healing from burnout and unpacking these emotions, here are 15 small, practical exercises you can try today.
I’ve outlined five actionable strategies designed to help you acknowledge, address, and confront these feelings:
1. Identify and Acknowledge Your Emotions
Action: When you feel a strong emotion, pause and verbally name it aloud or quickly jot it down: "I am feeling guilt right now."
Benefit: Creates immediate awareness and a slight distance from the emotion, preventing it from overwhelming you.
Action: Share your feelings with a trusted person (a friend, family member, or therapist).
Benefit: Reduces the emotion's intensity by giving it an outlet.
Action: If talking isn't an option, write your feelings down in a journal.
Benefit: Fosters processing and can lighten the emotional weight.
2. Trace Your Emotions to Their Roots
Action: When an emotion surfaces, ask yourself two targeted questions: "What expectation did I have in this situation that wasn't met?" or "How might a past experience be influencing how I feel right now?"
Benefit: Helps pinpoint the underlying cause of the emotion, enabling you to address the root issue rather than just the symptom.
Action: Journal about recent events or interactions that specifically triggered these emotions, describing what happened and your thoughts and feelings.
Benefit: Reveals patterns and connections, providing insight into consistent triggers.
Action: Actively challenge any harsh self-judgments by deliberately searching for evidence that contradicts them (e.g., recalling times you succeeded).
Benefit: Builds a more balanced, realistic view of yourself and reduces the power of your inner critic.
3. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Action: When negative self-talk appears, immediately interrupt it with a compassionate statement like, "This is tough right now, and I'm doing my best."
Benefit: Counteracts self-criticism, fostering kindness and reducing emotional distress.
Action: Schedule a non-negotiable, small act of self-care every single day (e.g., five minutes of deep breathing, a short walk).
Benefit: Provides essential emotional replenishment and reinforces your commitment to your own well-being.
Action: Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of a wise, kind friend, offering understanding and forgiveness.
Benefit: Shifts your internal dialogue towards support and acceptance, promoting emotional healing.
4. Establish and Communicate Boundaries
Action: Pinpoint one specific area causing overwhelm or resentment and define one clear, actionable boundary you need to set (e.g., "I will only check work emails during business hours").
Benefit: Proactively addresses sources of emotional drain and protects your energy.
Action: Practice saying "no" in low-stakes situations (e.g., declining an optional invitation) to build confidence.
Benefit: Strengthens your ability to protect your time and energy, preparing you for more significant boundary-setting.
Action: Initiate a direct, calm conversation with the relevant person to clearly state your limit and what support you need.
Benefit: Establishes healthier limits in relationships and workload, reducing the buildup of resentment and guilt.
5. Use Your Emotions as Decision-Making Tools
Action: When guilt, shame, or resentment arise, treat them as valuable data points and ask: "What specific information is this feeling trying to tell me about my current situation or my values?"
Benefit: Transforms difficult emotions into actionable insights, guiding you towards more informed choices.
Action: Based on what your emotion is telling you, brainstorm a list of concrete, actionable steps to alleviate these feelings (e.g., delegating a task, adjusting your schedule).
Benefit: Provides clear options for constructive change, empowering you to address the underlying issues.
Action: Commit to implementing just one small change from your list this week, then consciously track its effect on your emotional state.
Benefit: Reinforces your agency and demonstrates that small actions can lead to significant positive shifts in your emotional well-being.
El Fin
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this entry.
Understanding this emotional trifecta has been one of the hardest parts of my burnout recovery journey. I started writing this over a week ago, and honestly, it’s been hard to finish. Unpacking all of this felt deeply vulnerable, especially because I’m still working through all three of these emotions myself.
My hope is that in reading this, something resonated. Maybe it gave you a bit of clarity or maybe it reminded you that you’re not the only one feeling this way.
If you know someone who’s struggling with burnout, please consider sharing this newsletter with them. My goal is to build a community where we can openly share honest thoughts, reflections, and practical tools to support each other.
Stay tuned for next week’s entry, where I’ll share more guidance and actionable steps to help you on your burnout recovery journey.
And remember, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.